A 3 minute read :o)

I haven't updated in a while - a bad blogger, that's what I am :o) ! It's funny to think I've been in Shanghai for a month - time does fly. I've seen the city, had fun, worked with AIESEC at Jao TongUniversity. Everything has been great. Talking about SJTU - I really like to train, coach and present things - I'll use this new information in my choice of a future career.

This time I shall not talk about the things I've seen and done - hopefully I'll post pics, which should take care of that. This time you'll get a Veronica update - brace yourselves! :p Where I come from (Romania if you're wondering), being emotional, in pain or too human, for that matter, is not exactly fine. Being tough, especially if you're a woman which is supposed to make toughness more difficult, is in terms considered very desirable. Given my personality, I was blessed with a very composed, pretty balanced approach to life - I always keep my cool when everything goes astray, being and reacting "proper" is entirely genuine. What comes with that however, which I've been realising lately, is a tendency to ignore pain and move on prematurely. I've always had this belief that if I accept pain, embrace it in my day to day life without succumbing to it even for a second, and continue my daily life unaffected for a while, time will solve it.

For one it works well - I'm pretty happy with things, I generally have a good time, don't waste time being sad and life is great - it really is and I am grateful for that :o). But then there's all the things I miss, or have lost, that I've never taken the time to really grieve about. Grieving is something I've never done well. I lost my grandmother not that long ago. In Romania, mourning for someone you love is a one year process. I've been mourning (wearing black) for six months, grieving (emotionally) for about a week ... And now I'm feeling like I've been trying to forget all the times and things that made me who I am just because I don't want to be in pain .. which is not exactly a wise choice. Pierre, you asked me what's the one thing I wish I could have said in my life - I would have liked to tell her: "I cherish every moment we spent together with all my heart. I love you, you've always made me feel loved and you've always been a mother to me! You're part of who I am." There it is .. it wasn't that hard to do :o)

Being away from everyone and everything, meeting new people and seeing new places, adapting to a new environment - China in one word - gave me the time and plenty of opportunity to reflect about all this. I've also had the opportunity to make a complete fool of myself :) .. lol - for those who know me, yes, I did it for once in my life, I completely lost my cool! :p And with all this comes the realization that I perhaps don't need to have it all figured out, that not every second matters, that experiences are more than building blocks towards a desirable future ... sometimes they are just that - experiences.

Why am I writing all this you may ask? :o) Good question - never liked sharing things that matter. :o) I am sharing partly because as part of AIESEC my experience as a CEEDer and my learning should be shared :o) and partly because I know there are a lot of us out there who make a hobby of beating themselves up a way or another. One of these ways is to behave as if every second makes a difference, not letting loose ...

I guess my learning for the day is that even if being "too" human is not that desirable, it sure feels real and it sure feels liberating. If it's the only one thing I take away from China, I know I've learnt a lot. I am Veronica, I am composed 99% if the time, I'm happy with my life, I loved a lot and lost a lot, I miss many things and somehow all of this works together, not every aspect of life needs to be alike .. and my rant? .. it's just a part of the human experience.

Cheers!